In my next life I want to be a Dad!

They have it so easy and they do not know it. Our Dad has his Home Office to where he can run and hide at the drop of his baseball hat the minute things look like they are going to get dicey… or if I am going to need help with the kids… Dads aren’t expected to sit on the floor and play with their kids 24/7… aren’t expected to have beds made, floors swept and vacuumed… they aren’t expected to put their dishes in the dishwasher… though would it really kill him to? Dads don’t have to change diapers… make a meal or do anything for that matter. And when they do they want praise and think it’s such a great contribution. And the whole world has to know about it. What I hate are those Rare Specimens of Dads who actually volunteer to do the nightly cooking/dishes/homework/bathtime/bedtime/whatever routine… I don’t want to hear about it!

In my next life when I am a Dad I will sleep in as I please and let the mom get the kids throughout the night and in the mornig… I will have earned this privelege, won’t I have? When I am a Dad I will offer to do the groceries just to get out of the house when the kids are getting too riled up… I will run off in my car to Home Depot or Staples or wherever for something I really need. And, the kicker is, I will do this without one child in tow! When I am a dad I will be ble to run my errands all by myself! When I am a Dad I will be able to get up and walk away from the scene when it’s just too chaotic.

When I am a Dad I will play with the kids on my terms. I will not play Barbies if I don’t want to. Nor trucks nor will I have to read the same two stories day in and day out. When I am a Dad I will be able to shower every day! When I am a Dad I will be able to hop on the computer because it will be my “work.” When I am a Dad I will do laundry when I feel like it and then I will make a big deal on it. When I am a Dad I will never ever fold or put the laundry away. Again, if by chance I do fold or put the laundry away I will make sure my wife knows about it! Hell, I will make sure the whole world knows about it and have a day proclaimed to be My Day!

When I am a Dad I will do things uninterrupted. When I am a dad I will take the kids out to ball games and for ice cream and let them think I am the greatest thing in the whole world because Mom is never as much fun as Dad.

When I am a Dad and I have something to do I will get it done uninterrupted! When I am a Dad I will go to the bathroom alone, without three children bothering me. When I am a Dad I will come and go as I please… When I am a Dad my life will be perfect!

Of course as I type this today I had a little (just a little!) help from Dad. But do note this was started at 10 am and not completed until 4:19 because I was interrupted to change a roll of toilet paper… twice, feed some kids, go to the beach, come home, change some diapers, pour some water, pour some juice, blow some noses, dispense some Motrin, take out the recycling, push some kids on a swing, fill a water table with the hose… run from away from a hose, help a baby up and down a slide… and finally take a shower. Now I have to wait even a little longer because I have to haul my oldest off to a Pajama Party!

It turns out the day was not so bad. Christopher suffered his first debilitating headache which kept him in my bed and kept the kids from fighting. Even a concerned older sister checked in on him form time to time. I was able to hang out on the deck and peruse through an issue of Real Simple… and the ultimate… I got a shower and Dad watched the kids. Dad even made the sandwiches for the beach and packed the cooler. So maybe I will put off being a Dad for a little while longer!


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