I was very ready for my sitter when she showed up today. Alexander had been challenging me from the moment he hollered out to me. Just as he does every morning he greeted me with a great big smile, a warm hug and a sweet kiss. Well, it was all downhill from there today! I just couldn’t keep up with the little Whirling Dervish!
It was also a lousy day. The weather outside was completely miserable. The kids would have to be cooped up inside so it was good that Jen was coming. She would be a welcome distraction. I hate the rain. I hate having to go out in it by myself never mind dragging around three reluctant kids and a stroller.
I have been wanting to go to the movies but the daytime showings during the week are quite limited. So when our realtor called over here asking if I would like to see 2 properties that I had casually enquired about I agreed to meet him at House Number One. Neither House Number One nor House Number Two did anything for me and after a half an hour or so I was back in the van heading, well, no where in particular — just happy to be out!
I am a nerd. A bookstore junkie! I found myself walking in to the large Barnes and Noble.
I started off drooling over all the cookbooks. The recipes all sounded so mouth-wateringly wonderful and the photography was all so stellar. I wanted to buy every cook book on every shelf. From there I perused the magazines, gravitating again towards toward those with a food theme., flipping through a good many of them. I then wandered over to the new releases, first the paperbacks then the hardcovers. I made mental notes of those new and noteworthy as well as the staff favorites. I picked up the books and leafed through them,noting the differences in paper weight and type. My recent purchases had left me with an unsatisfactory feeling. Much like munching on carrot sticks when your body craves chocolate. I had my purchases but they were not fulfilling.
So there I was in the bookstore not thinking about anyone but myself for once and thoroughly enjoying it. Lost in a myriad of books about other people and other places and other times and then I felt it, in my pocket round and hard, that lollipop given to me by the kids. And a huge smile came across my face and I forced myself to stifle the tears. It was like a sign reminding me that no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, even when what I am doing is purely for my own self I am and always will be someone’s mother. And sometimes I want to run, and sometimes I want to hide but no matter what I do and where I go the things that mean the most to me in this world are there for me at the end of the day. They are everything to me. They do not define who I am, but they are an integral part of me.