All those days I spent thinking about you… obsessed with everything about you. All those days you consumed my thoughts — every inch of my being… how I would lose focus at the sight or thought of you. Mentioning your name was unbearable… I had to find you immediately! And during those long months you went away I yearned eagerly and patiently for your return. I had such lovely thoughts about you! And then something happened. Yesterday an important bit of information was brought to my attention. I guess I should have known but I didn’t. And you never bothered to tell me. You misled me. In essence you lied to me. I am bothered and saddened by this. And to learn this not from you, My Lova, but in a magazine of all places!
I had just come out of CVS and I placed the most recent issue of Glamour on my lap because the title caught my interest and I thought I MUST learn how to look my best at 20, 30 and 40! And so I was in the car and the magazine just fell open to this page… and you know what I am about to say don’t you? And there, as clear as it was, your trademark outfit! I gasped! I shuddered and I just couldn’t believe it was true. For a moment I thought, “Nah, they’re liars… these people have no idea what they are talking about!” But then I thought I ought not to go into denial and bat a blind eye to what was staring right back at me on page 182 of Glamour…
Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte, 380 Calories per cup! Now you can imagine just how shocked and betrayed I felt. Ok, so I never get whip, but that’s all of about 20 calories. So not only have you deceived me but you have been trying to make me fat! And I had been telling everyone just how wonderful you are too! Oh I feel so terribly that I have misled so many of my friends and my readers… Oh my readers when I exulted your virtues yesterday. I hang my head in shame and I apologize.
My friend Lynne told me, just yesterday, that she asks for a half a shot. I can not do that. I’m an all or nothin’ kind of a gal. So my friend I think it’s best we take a little break. I will still think of you. Fondly. I am sure I will still crave you. You will still remain one of my all time favorites. I hope you are not too upset. I’m pretty upset, if you must know the truth.
So perhaps we should see each other just once a month… Oh, I am sure once a week wouldn’t kill me! I’ll see you in a few my Lova! Mwah!
(I dedicate this to you Mrs. Chapin!)